#26 Find My Dream Job

I finally found my calling once my son was born, November 2010.

I am a stay at home mom. Every day I get to stay home and play house with my precious son. I love dedicating my life to raising him because I cannot think of anything else I could be doing with my time that would be any more rewarding. Being a stay at home mom is the weirdest thing I've ever done with my life...I never saw myself doing this. I'm so glad I am, but it is still a trip some days. I find myself consumed with poop, laundry, proper foods, toys, grocery lists, making my own cleaners, boogers...so many things I always just ignored for the most part. Just a little tip to new moms--if you pee, they will find you. The first time I learned this, Deegan stuck his chubby little fingers under the bathroom door and I jumped mid pee. I'm not sure where his logic was in this, but to him stuffing his fingers under the door reassured him that I wasn't going to escape through the non existent window in the bathroom.

I admire mothers who literally do it all--maintain a career, raise their children, nourish happy marriages, and have dinner on the table every night. I do not have the capacity as a brain injury survivor and chronic pain warrior to do it all. My husband works very hard and is very good at what he does, so I am able to stay at home and focus on raising our son. I get to see my family blossom first hand.

Deegan teaches me something new every day, it's amazing how quickly children grow. I knew from the moment I first held Deegan that I could not leave him at a daycare, with a nanny, or with family. I could not stand to be away for him for twenty minutes, much less a full day. My mommy hormones were running full speed ahead, and I could not ignore the logic my brain was trying to give me. Ian and I have chosen to take the so called "Attachment Parenting" route with Deegan, so I literally am attached at the hip with Deegan 24/7. It's very interesting to look into how children's brains develop within the first five years of life. If you are a parent or thinking of someday being a parent, just take a look at this stuff. Maybe I am just a nerd but I think the studies are fascinating. This research greatly influenced my decision to stay home, and it reinforces my decision on days when I think I should go back to work. If you're into YouTube, look up a guy named Stefan Molyneux. He has some amazing information on his Freedomain Radio channel about this type of parenting, I listen to a lecture every night because it is so refreshing to know there are people out there like Ian and I.

I like to think I am living the dream these days, especially now that we are in Arizona (more on that soon.) I get to take my son out on a bike ride every day, we sing, we dance, we play with toy cars, we make art, we make each other laugh, we make each other cry. Life really couldn't get any more simple and happy. There is a lot of reward in living a simple life, I find myself overjoyed by small things...like a hot shower in a locked bathroom while the husband entertains our toddler. It's the little things that I enjoy now, and I'm happy to say that the three of us have really slowed down and are taking life day by day, step by step. It's a nice feeling to slow down enough to love every minute.

The List

My husband recently brought it to my attention that he cannot see my bucket list on his phone. It shows up just fine on my computer. If you are someone reading my blog from your phone, this post might clear up some confusion. If you are viewing this on your computer and can see my list on the left side, please forgive the repetition.

 

Here is my bucket list:

1. Learn to play the piano

2. Vacation in California (COMPLETED August 2012)

3. Have a child by age 30 (COMPLETED, my baby boy was born November 2010. He's the most amazing thing that has happened to me!)

4. Donate blood

5. See Alkaline Trio in concert

6. Go white water rafting

7. Visit a Buddhist temple (COMPLETED 3/7/2010)

8. Vacation in Ireland

9. Visit Marilyn Monroe's grave (COMPLETED August 22, 2012)

10. Be fluent in sign language

11. Pay for a stranger's groceries

12. Plant a tree

13. Sing karaoke

14. Learn to swing dance with Ian

15. Bake a cake (COMPLETED 2/20/2010)

16. Shoot a gun

17. Plant a vegetable garden

18. Make AMP Diesel successful

19. Try sushi (COMPLETED 2/21/2010)

20. Take Ian to a play (COMPLETED March 2012, American Idiot at the Buell Theater)

21. Make a pin-up style calendar

22. Stay at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas

23. Graduate college (COMPLETED 12/18/2009)

24. Go to Hawaii for two weeks

25. Pet a stingray

26. Find my dream job (COMPLETED November 2010...became a full time mom. Now I just need to find an equally rewarding job that will bring in a paycheck.)

27. Volunteer at a hospital

28. Create a piece of art

29. Tour America in an RV when Ian and I retire

30. Visit Sturgis

31. Ride a zipline

32. Go indoor sky diving

33. Visit Glenwood Springs again and stay in the same hotel Ian proposed in

34. Finish my tattoo

35. Go fishing with Ian and our son (COMPLETED February 2013)

36. Grow a garden of lilies and lavender

37. Fill a journal (COMPLETED December 2010)

38. Write an amazing poem

39. Receive acupuncture

40. Homeschool my son

41. Buy a boat

42. Write a letter for my son to read on his 18th birthday

43. Go golfing (COMPLETED 3/17/10)

44. Take Domino (my great dane) on a hike

45. Move out of Colorado (COMPLETED December 2012)

46. Buy a portable massage chair (COMPLETED 2/18/2010)

47. Replace my broken dishwasher (COMPLETED 3/2/2010)

48. Visit Sedona, Arizona

49. Buy a Tibetan singing bowl

50. Lose 25 pounds (COMPLETED August 2012, time for a new weight goal!)

51. Ride a dirtbike

52. Walk for a cause

53. Change a tire on my Subaru

54. Attend Body Worlds again (COMPLETED 3/17/10)

55. Take a martial arts class

56. Swim with a dolphin

57. Write my will

58. Visit the Grand Canyon

59. Go camping

60. Join a bowling league

61. Learn to surf

62. Go to Disney World with my little family

63. Take a Zumba class

64. Score a baseball game

65. See a movie in 3-D (COMPLETED 3/7/2010)

66. Go tubing

67. Remodel my kitchen (COMPLETED October 2010)

68. Visit my Grandpa in Kansas (COMPLETED November 2012)

69. Spend a week in Moab

70. Learn to play the guitar

71. Not color my hair for a year (COMPLETED August 2012)

72. Dance like no one is watching-at a concert

73. Volunteer at a nursing home and make some friends there

74. Ring the bell for the Salvation Army

75. Serve food to the homeless on Thanksgiving

76. Re-paint my living room (COMPLETED July 2011)

77. Attend a seminar on successfully managing your finances (COMPLETED January 2012)

78. Study Buddhism every day for one year

79. Stay a night in a fancy hotel

80. Detach from material things

81. Live pain free without help from medication

82. Be a vaccine choice advocate

83. Feel good about who I am, where I've been, and my future

84. Be supermom

85. Raise my son to the best of my abilities, help him to be a good human being

86. Snowboard one more time

87. Let people get to know me

88. Attend a peaceful protest

89. Let go of bad friends

90. Join a religion discussion group (NOT church)

91. Learn to crochet (COMPLETED July 2012)

92. See Foo Fighters in concert

93. Not buy anything new for one month

94. Lose 25 more pounds

95. See Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert

96. Take my son to his first concert

97. Find our dream home

98. See Green Day in concert

99. Complete a scrapbook

100. Live by a beach

101. Visit Lake Havasu

 

 

#3 Have A Child by Age 30

My beautiful, wonderful, amazing, incredible, loving, happy son was born on November 22, 2010.

       I always knew I wanted a family. Shortly after we got married, my husband (Ian) and I decided to try for a baby. Like many women these days, we struggled with infertility issues for almost 2 years. After countless negative pregnancy tests, I decided to seek help from a doctor. I was diagnosed with PCOS and told I would not be able to conceive without assistance from infertility drugs. I was crushed. The day after I received my diagnosis I decided to talk to my chiropractor about my PCOS. He told me he could very easily fix the issue, and he does fix it for many couples often. Ian and I decided to give it a try. Less than a month later, my intuition told me to take a test. I was shocked and SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY to see a positive line on that pee stick. After so many heart wrenching negatives, that dark positive line was a welcome relief! I took three more tests just for the satisfaction of seeing that line. I couldn't wait to tell Ian, I had to keep my little secret to myself all day while he was at work. Let's just say Ian was just as shocked as I was...happy...and speechless.

       Growing a baby is an experience I will never forget--there is nothing in this world to compare it to. Feeling my baby kick was definitely my favorite part. I used to love singing to him and playing our favorite music for him. To this day, he still loves to listen to that music. The bond between a mother and her baby starts from the time of conception. No other being will hear the beat of your heart from the inside. It's a very special time. From the beginning, I knew our baby was a boy. Still, during our anatomy ultrasound, I cried tears of joy when I heard "it's a boy!"

       Although I was in a lot of pain during the entire pregnancy, I pushed through it without taking any medication. I'm so happy I was somehow able to do this, even though it meant my pain would be worse than I could ever imagine after my son was born. I might discuss that later. Before having my son I was somewhat conscious about green living, health care, medications, organic foods, vaccines, overall health and wellness...all of that. After my son was born I became a fanatic about these things and more. I researched everything--organic living, attachment parenting, vaccines, growth, thriving, etc. It's funny how we do so much research on silly things like cars, but not on being a parent. A large part of parenting is based on intuition, but extra information is always always always helpful and gives you confidence in your parenting decisions and styles. I am constantly looking for new information, I hope to never stop learning new ways to become a better parent and how to make my son's life the best it can be. I know other mama's can agree--when you're pregnant you KNOW you will do things a specific way. Once that baby is born EVERYTHING changes. Everything you knew, everything you planned goes out the window.

       While I held my son for the very first time and gazed into his innocent, hopeful, and trusting eyes, my world turned upside-down. I changed. I knew I was responsible for this precious little human. I wanted to give him the best start to life possible, I wanted to give him anything and everything I could as his mother. Having a child is like constantly wearing your heart on your sleeve...there's no room to hide, nor do you want to. All you want is to always show your child how much the world has to offer, and how much LOVE you have for them.

 

       Being a mom is one of the best feelings in the world. There is nothing like it. Every day I get to watch my son grow, learn, laugh, and love. I am so lucky to be able to stay home with him. My husband has lovingly given us that life, one that not many can afford to do in rough times like these. Our son is our world, he is above all expectations we ever had for our little family. It changed us, as kids tend to do. Our little family is finally complete with our wonderful son, we could not be happier.

 

#37 Fill A Journal (Completed December 2011)

This one was a simple task, but journaling is very important for someone like me. I have memory issues thanks to a brain injury from a car accident, so I have a hard time remembering most of my life. When you have a child, you don't want to forget a single moment...but with my memory issues, I find myself taking comfort in having most of my memories written in my journal. It's like I'm telling myself my own life story. I tend to forget about my journal so I put a few notes around the house that remind me to write in it, and after some time I was finally able to successfully fill a journal.

Domino

#44 Take Domino (my Great Dane) on a hike

Sadly, this bucket list wish cannot be fulfilled. I took my dear dog for many walks, but was never able to spend a full day hiking with him. My body didn't allow for this, and time seemed to escape me.

On November 20, 2012 my husband and I had to make the difficult decision to put our Domino to rest. He was diagnosed with a terminal heart condition and was getting worse as each day passed. My heart breaks to just think about my dog, but I'm so happy to have had him in my life.

We brought Domino home when he was 8 weeks old. In true Domino fashion, he puked in the car during the ride home. He learned the hierarchy of our home very quickly...he was in line just under the chihuahua and miniature pinscher. Domino and our min pin (Sprocket) hit it off right away. She was always the motherly type. Domino grew every single day and showed us more of his goofy personality as the days, weeks, months, and years passed. He was truly the best dog I've ever had.

It's been over a week since Domino passed, but a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought of him. I miss him as I'm clearing the kitchen counter tops in anticipation of him grazing them for food. I miss Domino as I'm playing with my 2 year old...he always loved to sit by my side and get love from us both. I miss my buddy when I'm vacuuming the house...as a puppy he loved to bark (loudly) at it. I miss Domino so much, he was always there as a part of every day. He stood by my side as a loyal, loving, protective, and proud dog. There aren't enough words to express the void felt in our household since Domino's departure. He is and will always be missed and very loved.

Hello Again

I've seriously been neglecting my blog! It's been a few years, a LOT has happened in that short time. I will somehow have to find time to update my bucket list and cross off a few of my best achievements. More to come later!

54. Attend Body Worlds Again

Body Worlds is a fascinating exhibit, you can learn so much about yourself in just a few hours! Ian and I visited Body Worlds in Vegas a few years ago and loved it; so when we saw the exhibit was coming to Denver again, we jumped at the chance to see it. This time around, the exhibit focused on the heart. There were many more specimens than in Vegas, it was really interesting to see everything pulled apart so well. The scientists who dissected these cadavers are geniuses, and very good at what they do.

My favorite two pieces were definitely the obese cadaver sliced into two pieces and the embryo center. It was also cool to see the small and large intestines completely spread out. Our bodies are amazing and a true piece of art. Exhibits like these are extremely humbling and make for a very memorable day.

43. Go Golfing

Today was a beautiful day to complete #43! I'm not a huge sports fan, but I always wondered if golf would be a fun sport to pick up. I picked up some second hand clubs and convinced my husband to take me to a golf course. First I got a feel for my clubs at the driving range, then we had some fun on the course. I had some really bad shots, then I had some good shots! This is definitely a sport that I enjoy so far, there's nothing better than green grass, sun, and a challenge.

7. Visit A Buddhist Temple

I've always been impressed with Buddhism, I love how Buddhists are so accepting of all people from all backgrounds. Going to temple was an interesting experience! The outside of the building was beautiful. There was a huge bell in front, and statues scattered all around. Inside was just like any other church, but in the front was a stage. I entered the temple and grabbed a "sermon" book. These books contained songs, haiku, prayers, chants, and old Buddhist texts. On the stage were two pictures of Buddha and surrounding these pictures was some very rich and golden furniture. No one entered the stage except for the sensei. During the meditation and chanting the sensei sat on a chair that was placed on the stage. Next to this chair was a gong and two bamboo sticks-these were used during meditation and chanting.

I loved how the service began...the sensei struck a gong and we all meditated in silence for about 10 minutes. Meditation was then followed by a few pages of chanting. Hearing everyone and the sensei chanting in unison was pretty cool, it definitely created a peaceful energy in the room. The sermon reminded me of any other church sermon. The people in the temple were so helpful and welcoming, it was truly refreshing.

65. See a Movie in 3-D

Ever since I went to the 3-D theater at Disneyworld I have wanted to experience a full movie in 3-D. I dragged Ian along to see "Alice in Wonderland" with me. The movie was okay, and the 3-D experience was pretty cool!

47. Replace My Broken Dishwasher

I never knew how valuable a dishwasher was until mine broke. For the past year or so I have been hand washing all of my dishes. After a while you just get used to it, but the dishes tend to pile up so fast! FINALLY we bought a brand new dishwasher! It is such a relief to have ALL of my dishes clean all at once, with very little effort put into it. I'm so thankful to have a dishwasher again!

19. Try Sushi

Oh man, this one was hard! I have always hated the smell, taste, look, and feel of seafood. Pretty much everything about seafood grosses me out! However...I wanted to give it a try, just to know for sure that I don't like it. I took a few crunchy bites and had to spit it out before I puked. Sushi is definitely NOT for me...but at least I tried it!

15. Bake a Cake

Ok so this one wasn't too hard. I had never baked a cake and always wondered if I could successfully make one. Nothing fancy, just a little cake to prove to myself that I can bake if I put my mind into it. Ta da! It was so much easier than I was anticipating.

46. Buy a Portable Massage Chair

I did it! I now have a portable massage chair thanks to my wonderful husband. This little chair is going to help me build my massage business and also help me to reach out to more clients. I can't wait to try it out!

23. Graduate College

I'm finally done, officially graduated college! Number 23 on the bucket list is complete.

Why Start A List?

I've always thought about making a bucket list, but never committed to writing one out. I'm almost 30 and there is so much that I want to do with my life. I think a bucket list will help push me to do the things I always talk about!

I owe it to my husband and my son to be a good example and embrace the adventure, love, purpose, and passion in life. A good mother and wife sets a positive tone for her household. I want both of them to follow their dreams just as I am following mine.

A few of these things have unofficially been on my list for years, it's time to finally complete them!