I always knew I wanted a family. Shortly after we got married, my husband (Ian) and I decided to try for a baby. Like many women these days, we struggled with infertility issues for almost 2 years. After countless negative pregnancy tests, I decided to seek help from a doctor. I was diagnosed with PCOS and told I would not be able to conceive without assistance from infertility drugs. I was crushed. The day after I received my diagnosis I decided to talk to my chiropractor about my PCOS. He told me he could very easily fix the issue, and he does fix it for many couples often. Ian and I decided to give it a try. Less than a month later, my intuition told me to take a test. I was shocked and SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY to see a positive line on that pee stick. After so many heart wrenching negatives, that dark positive line was a welcome relief! I took three more tests just for the satisfaction of seeing that line. I couldn't wait to tell Ian, I had to keep my little secret to myself all day while he was at work. Let's just say Ian was just as shocked as I was...happy...and speechless.
Growing a baby is an experience I will never forget--there is nothing in this world to compare it to. Feeling my baby kick was definitely my favorite part. I used to love singing to him and playing our favorite music for him. To this day, he still loves to listen to that music. The bond between a mother and her baby starts from the time of conception. No other being will hear the beat of your heart from the inside. It's a very special time. From the beginning, I knew our baby was a boy. Still, during our anatomy ultrasound, I cried tears of joy when I heard "it's a boy!"
Although I was in a lot of pain during the entire pregnancy, I pushed through it without taking any medication. I'm so happy I was somehow able to do this, even though it meant my pain would be worse than I could ever imagine after my son was born. I might discuss that later. Before having my son I was somewhat conscious about green living, health care, medications, organic foods, vaccines, overall health and wellness...all of that. After my son was born I became a fanatic about these things and more. I researched everything--organic living, attachment parenting, vaccines, growth, thriving, etc. It's funny how we do so much research on silly things like cars, but not on being a parent. A large part of parenting is based on intuition, but extra information is always always always helpful and gives you confidence in your parenting decisions and styles. I am constantly looking for new information, I hope to never stop learning new ways to become a better parent and how to make my son's life the best it can be. I know other mama's can agree--when you're pregnant you KNOW you will do things a specific way. Once that baby is born EVERYTHING changes. Everything you knew, everything you planned goes out the window.
While I held my son for the very first time and gazed into his innocent, hopeful, and trusting eyes, my world turned upside-down. I changed. I knew I was responsible for this precious little human. I wanted to give him the best start to life possible, I wanted to give him anything and everything I could as his mother. Having a child is like constantly wearing your heart on your sleeve...there's no room to hide, nor do you want to. All you want is to always show your child how much the world has to offer, and how much LOVE you have for them.
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